A Summer of FREEdom:

Why Today’s Kids Need More Freedom, Adventure, and Neighborhood Play

When was the last time you saw a group of neighborhood kids riding bikes until the streetlights came on?

For many of us who grew up in the late 70s and 80s, that wasn’t unusual—it was everyday childhood.

My brother riding his bike in the neigborhood in 1986.

We Created Our Own Childhoods

When I think back on my childhood growing up in the late 70’s and 80’s I think about lots and lots of time spent outside.  We spent hours riding bikes, roller skating, pulling kids (or stuff) around in wagons, collecting bugs, building stuff out of whatever we could find, playing with neighborhood friends (or enemies, depending on the day), playing Little House on the Prairie, doing acrobatics on self-made apparatus, collecting tadpoles from the curbs after it rained (in Texas this is a thing), building bug and frog habitats, digging “wells” in the backyard, climbing trees, and just basically running amok. 

If we got thirsty, we really did drink out of the garden hose – those memes that you see on facebook and other social media are true.  And, let me tell you, when you are a kid, garden hose water is the best tasting water around!

But, what do you think all of these things had in common?  That’s right, all of these child-initiated activities were 100% free – free from monetary cost and free from adult involvement.  Because even though my family was privileged, my parents still didn’t spend tons of money taking us to activities and indoor play places.  Most of that stuff didn’t even exist during that time.  And, back then kids were expected to create their own adventures.

When I think about those summers, I realize they were FREE in more ways than one. They were free because they didn’t cost much money. They were free from constant adult direction and organized schedules. They were free from screens. But most importantly, they gave us the freedom to learn, explore, solve problems, and become confident kids. 

Today, when our children are bored, many of us instinctively start looking for something to do—an indoor play place, an organized activity, a trampoline park, a children’s museum, another scheduled outing – or a screen.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying those things. They can be wonderful family experiences. But they were never meant to replace the everyday adventures children once created for themselves.  And, neither were screens.

Left: My brother climbing a tree to get over our backyard fence in 1983. Right: Me jump roping in our backyard in 1984.

Free-Range Didn’t Mean Free-for-All

When we were outside, there generally was not an adult in sight.  However, let me assure you that the lack of adult involvement in our play was not indicative of a lack of boundaries or discipline.  We were taught right from wrong.  We were taught proper manners.  We knew how far we were allowed to ride our bikes.  And, if I walked to a friend’s house a few blocks over, I had better let my mom know I arrived safely or I would be told to come right back home – no second chances.  

We were given the tools to survive out “in the wild” and then we were allowed to go out and use those skills on our own.  And, if we broke a rule, were rude to a neighbor, or did something we were not supposed to do, we knew our parents would find out about it because neighbors knew each other back then.  So, even though we did not have a parent following us around, we knew there was always someone watching.  It was a community.

Ok, I may have gotten a little bit off track from the original intention of this post.  However, I do think it is important to note that being “free-range” did not mean “do whatever you want.”

What Made That Kind of Childhood Possible?

One of the key ingredients in all of this was that back when I was a kid we knew our neighbors – not just one or two, but all of them.  Well, let’s be honest, every neighborhood had that one neighbor that no one knew.  But, chances are, they were probably just weird but harmless, so it’s not like anyone worried about them.  

When you come in the gate knowing the people you live near, it becomes that much more natural to let your kids roam free knowing that someone is always watching and willing to help if the need arises.  

So how about we get back out and meet our neighbors again, like in the “old days.”  Go sit on your front porch, stoop, step, or whatever you have.  Go for a walk.  Stop and talk to other neighbors who are out.  Start up a block party!  

Were any of you around back when we used to have block parties?  That was a thing in the 80’s for sure and maybe even into the 90’s.  I’ve heard of it happening on occasion these days, but not often. It’s a great way to get to know your neighbors – and for your kids to meet potential neighborhood friends.

Before Independence Came Preparation

Another key ingredient is being enough aware that you know something could happen to your kids while they are out, but that in all likelihood nothing would happen.  Folks, we need to realize that there is inherent risk in anything and everything we do.  If we lived our lives according to that bit of risk, we would never leave our houses.  Heck, we might never leave our beds.

So, what do we need to do to make sure kids are safe enough when they go out to play without us?  We need to teach them some basic safety rules.

Here are some that I found online and modified to give kids more freedom:

Outdoor Safety

• Stay in the area where you have permission to play.
• Always let your grown-up know if you are leaving your yard.
• Wear a helmet when riding a bike, scooter, or skateboard.
• Watch for cars in driveways and parking lots.
• Wear sunscreen and drink water when it’s hot.
• Stay away from unfamiliar animals.

Street Safety

• Stop at the curb.
• Look left, right, then left again before crossing.
• Cross with an adult (depending on age) or at a crosswalk when possible.
• Never run into the street to chase a ball or pet.
• Make eye contact with drivers before crossing.

Stranger Safety

• Never approach a stranger or a stranger’s car without permission.
• Never go anywhere with someone you know OR don’t know without your parent’s permission.
• If you get lost, find a mom or dad with kids and ask for help.
• Trust your instincts. If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, leave and tell a trusted adult right away.
• Never take anything from a stranger.

These are safety rules intended to use when your child is in their own neighborhood.  They should be adjusted according to your child’s age and maturity level.  

I want you to notice one safety rule that I have deliberately excluded from the list – “Don’t talk to strangers.”  That’s probably the rule we hear parents tell their kids the most.  So, why did I exclude it?  One reason – because it is not inherently risky for a child to talk to a stranger.  

Instead, you can teach your child to be polite to strangers.  It’s ok for them to say hi or wave at a stranger walking by in your neighborhood, if that is something they are comfortable doing.  And, if you are out and about with them, it is ok for kids to hold small conversations with strangers – because you are right there.

We do not want to teach our kids that all strangers are dangerous – because most are not.  Children who believe every stranger is dangerous may also hesitate to seek help when they genuinely need it. Most strangers are just people like you and me living their lives.  We want our kid to know that most people are good and that they can trust their instincts to tell them if they feel safe or not, within reason.

One more thing to note about kids and safety when they are outside playing by themselves: It is your job to model safety rules with your child BEFORE they are allowed to venture out on their own.  You must also VERIFY that your child is capable of remembering and implementing those safety rules before you let them play outside on their own.  There is no set age for when a child is ready to be outside on their own – it is 100% about maturity and ability to remember and follow rules.

Children don’t suddenly become capable of independence on their fifth birthday. Independence grows little by little. First they learn to play in the front yard. Then they walk to the mailbox. Then they ride halfway down the block. Every new freedom is built on the success of the one before it. 

When my daughter was around three-years-old, she was able to play outside in front of our townhouse by herself or with a neighbor friend who was her age.  Both myself and the other parent had a window that faced the front that we could easily look out of to check on our children.  

The area of the townhouse community where we lived at the time was basically like a three-sided courtyard – so fairly enclosed – with a parking lot on the fourth side.  There was enough room for the kids to play, but still be seen from in the house.

When we moved to a traditional neighborhood with houses, driveways, and streets my daughter was almost four-years-old.  She was able to play out in our back or front yards by herself.  I would check in on her through the window, but she was mature enough at the time and could remember and follow basic safety rules.  

By the time she was five-years-old (maybe even a little before she turned five), she was able to cross the street and walk several houses down to her neighbor friend’s houses.  They were all about the same age and we knew most of our neighbors, so it was safe to let them move freely between our collective group of yards and houses.

Again, there is no set age for when a child is ready to play on their own or with other neighborhood kids without constant adult supervision.  You need to know the maturity level of your own child, teach them basic safety rules, and make sure they are able to remember and follow them consistently.

Childhood has always involved a little bit of risk. So has learning to ride a bike, climb a tree, make a friend, or solve a disagreement without an adult stepping in.

Our goal isn’t to eliminate every possible risk from childhood. Our goal is to prepare our children well enough that they can experience the freedom, confidence, and joy that come from exploring the world one small adventure at a time.

Because one day, they’ll need to navigate the world without us.

Childhood is where they begin learning how.